Forget the portrait, I found the mirror...

When you look into this mirror, you see yourself at your absolute worst. Every past bad night of sleep, every extra pound, every unflattering hair-do, every stray hair that needs plucking, every time you looked at yourself under those crappy lights in store fitting rooms, every time you had to just throw something on and go and didn't realize until you were there that you looked like the Goodwill was on fire and you had to wear the entire $3 rack to safety... this mirror recreates all your past 'geez, I look like a buffalo' moments and overlays them to reveal you as you might look on the worst day of your life, no matter how well-made-up and cute you might happen to actually look.

This mirror is in the bathroom at work. You might just wander in to use the facilities and stop to wash your hands and casually glance at the mirror and suddenly realize that not only has some blind person attempted to shave a yeti, but the poor sasquatch now numbers among the undead judging by its skin tone, and is wearing something that makes it look 15 pounds overweight AND has the exact same earrings that you wore today! Then, you realize....

And feeling terrible, you slink back to your desk where your reflection in the darkened window makes you look, by comparison, a goddess of adorable. What's the difference? It has to be the mirror, because there have been plenty of times when I've looked like Death eating a cracker, but never as bad as I look in that mirror.